I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
