yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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