I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
