16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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