It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
