R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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