its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
