On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
