That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
