I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
