Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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