I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
