Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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