Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
