I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
