Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My cat gives me a boner
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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