All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
