He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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