All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
