you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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