At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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