It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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