is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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