when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
