Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
