Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize