I skipped work to stalk him.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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