"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
