whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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