Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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