well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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