So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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