the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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