Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
