wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
