Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
