i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
