I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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