im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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