I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
