She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You're like the curious george of whores
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
