scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
