well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
