Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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