Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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