I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize