i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
