I wish I could punch you in the face.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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