your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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