awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
