i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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