I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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