I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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