You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
