I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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