do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
