Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
