I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
