You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
