He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When are your genitals available?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
