I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
